6 months left and struggling

It’s late and I can’t fall asleep. So I thought I would get a blog in since it’s been awhile. I had a rough day today that made me question why I am here. I guess it’s that time, the yr and ½ mark where we start to feel anxious about going home, feeling burnt out, and we start to question have we really done enough. Today started out ok. I was in a good mood, I had gone for a walk with my classes, and my KSL class went great. Then I talked to someone about one of my missing students. Now, its typical for students to come to school late…. but not a whole month late. This girl is one of my favorites but also one I struggle with. She has so much potential and yet she risks throwing it away by having sex with everyone. At first I thought she couldn’t come to school due to shortage of school fees. Little did I know she is actually working as a barmaid/prostitute in a nearby town, following the piki piki drivers around. I immediately became worried, although everyone I talked to didn’t seem as worried. At first I felt excluded that no one told me. Then I thought it better to let it go. Even if I had no clue, at least my headmaster was working on contacting the parents and bringing her back. So I tried to keep my day going, focusing on other issues....like our health club. During the past few days I have been talking with a fellow teacher about getting a health club started. I had gotten permission, we had talked to the students and our first meeting was going to be on Friday. Just this evening, I had been informed that the visitors who I had seen come by the other day were going to teach a life skills class once every week, for 3 months. According to the visitors our school does not provide life skills classes or a health club…..I have been teaching life skills since day one and I was in the process of starting a health club. I can tell you I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me yet again. I am the only teacher here who teaches life skills. Why hadn’t they invited me to meet the visitors? Attended the meeting with them? Informed me BEFORE I got everything organized for our health club? I am starting to feel like my job here is useless. Have I done anything here that they are proud of? Part of me knows that’s what I want, to have my school take the lead, utilize the people in the community. But part of me feels like it’s too soon, if they do that, then what will I be working on for the next 6 months? Im not ready to give up my kids yet. It’s a struggle I know I will be facing more and more as my service comes to a close. I just wasn’t ready for it to happen this soon.

Is it a Holiday if you have to work?

I know it’s been awhile. It has been one wild ride and I needed sometime to come down from it. Let me just show you how crazy my “holiday” was.




1st week: Nairobi: The minute school closed I headed to Nairobi for a week to work on my VCT Deaf friendly project. Happy to announce it’s officially finished!!! Anyway, while in Nairobi I got really sick but luckily I was where the doctors were and was patched up before I headed to my next destination: Kilifi.



2nd week: Kilifi: I headed to Kilifi, which is on the coast, for Camp GLOW( Girl.s Leading Our World). In spite of some heartbreaking setbacks, the girls who were deaf were not able to go, Camp GLOW was a success. Surprisingly, I struggled with teaching the hearing girls. I felt like I had fallen into a time warp. It felt like my first day at my school, not knowing the local sign language and having to teach. I felt uncomfortable with the girls and bombed my lessons. Instead of teaching kids who are pretty closed off from the community and whats going on, I was teaching students who already knew what I was teaching. It was a learning experience for me for sure. But in the end I think we touched and inspired a lot of girls. Straight from Kilifi I headed to my next destination: ZANZIBAR!!!!!!



3rd week: ZANZIBAR!!!!!: Literally the camp closed on sat morning and I was on a plane by noon heading to Zanzibar. What an amazing holiday. I have fallen in love with the country and the people. I had a bit of culture shock with the airport. It felt so weird to be on an airplane when living in the village for 1yr and ½. It was a 30min flight from mombasa to Zanzibar and yet we got a drink AND a sandwich. By the time I got mine unwrapped, we were descending. Oh and what a decent! Crystal blue waters, lush landscapes. I was so excited. We stayed in stone town for 2 nights and enjoyed the fish market where we ate grilled barracuda, marlin, snapper and shark while watching the local children jumping off the docks while the sun sets behind them. We were surprised how friendly the locals were. We walked from the main square to our hotel in the dark, we would have never even thought of doing that in Kenya, and no one even batted an eye towards us or harassed us. The whole time I never got hit on while in Zanzibar. After stone town, we headed to Jambiani Beach on the east side of the island. Unlike other beaches in Zanzibar, Jambiani is a village and is not very touristed or developed. We got a bungalow right on the beach and were the only tourists there. We spent the next 4 nights sleeping, collecting shells and eating the incredible seafood. When the tide was out, we would walk and visit with the mamas and their seaweed farms. The boys at the hotel put on a bonfire for my birthday on our last night. Thoughts of deserting Peace Corps and staying in Zanzibar actually went through our minds. In the end we packed up and made a promise that we would return. Next was South Coast and Nairobi.



4th week: South Coast/Nairobi: Part 2 of our holiday started off a little rough. Remember how I said I never got hit on while in Zanzibar? Well about 30 min after we touched down, a tout told me to “ talk more Swahili to him because he wanted me.” I spent the rest of the day traveling to our hotel, arguing with touts about hiking up the prices and giving us the mzungu price. I was close to slapping someone and kept thinking about turning around and going back to Zanzibar. However, once we got to our hotel, things started to turn around. Our hotel had a pool! The first and only pool I had been in since…..ok I can’t even remember the last time I was in a pool. Although we were just a short walk to the beach, we spent the next few days swimming in the pool, having swim races and handstand competitions. I thought we were in 5th grade again. For my birthday dinner, my friend took me to a restaurant that was actually IN a cave. It was beautiful. The cave ceiling was open so you could see the stares while you ate. And the food!!!!!! Amazing! They also came out and sang to me and gave us 2 pieces of passion fruit cheesecake. I was so stuffed by the end, I almost could not change into my pj’s. Despite the rough start, it was a good ending to a great vacation. But now it was back to Nairobi and work.



We spent the rest of our month finishing up our project and training the new volunteers. It was great to see everyone again and of course feast on the amazing food before heading back to the village. And back to the village we went to finish my 2nd to last term…..

chicken without it's head

Another term ends, leaving me 2 to go before my service is finished. This term has flown by. I feel like a chicken without it’s head, running around all crazy like. Besides teaching, I have been working on a VCT video that will be deaf friendly. The DVD will be a tool for VCT’s who don’t know KSL. When a person who is deaf walks into a VCT, the counselors there( if they don’t know sign language) will play this DVD that will help explain what will happen during an HIV test. Our hope is that this will bring in more people who are deaf to get tested. My other project I have been working on is a girl empowerment camp. PEPFAR has partnered with Peace Corps to host 4 camps for girls in Kenya. These camps will provide training on HIV, sexual relationship, sexual health, careers, goal setting, and self defense among other useful tools for the girls. I am a camp coordinator this year and it has been a lot of work, traveling from site, planning the camp. Im exhausted. Im also outreaching in my community about KSL. So far I have gotten a lot of interested people who would like a class on KSL from a dispensary, the police station, 2 VCT’s, a hospital and an orphanage. It makes me really happy knowing people are interested in learning this beautiful language.
And I guess now is as good a time as any. So it may not come as a shock to you but I am strongly thinking of extending a 3rd yr here. It’s an application process so I don’t even know if I’ll be accepted but Im hoping I do. Even with all the ups and downs, I feel like I could continue making a difference here. I have been surprised by all the community members who have sought me out, asking me if I would teach them sign language. I feel like the community is finally coming together to accept these children. So who knows what will happen, but heres hoping. J

Oh Kenya how you've changed me

This is what I have notice so far…..Im sure more to follow

1. I don’t know how to say the word yes. Instead I raise my eyebrows in response.

2. Before I was strictly a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl…now Im a ankle length skirt and blouse....If I go out in anything else I feel like a prostitute.

3. I will end up signing in a conversation, even if you have no idea how to sign.

4. When someone asks me a question, I say ‘eehh” or a grunt.

5. I have lost my spelling, math and writing skills.

6. I am not ashamed to pick  my nose in public....although I might do it with a little more grace. I dont just stand there digging.

7. I have lost my desire to bath everyday and have instead bathed every four days or sometimes once a week.

8. Upon meeting someone for the firsttime, I am  immediatly asking myself what is their agenda( not sure if its a good change).

9. Although washing my clothes is still a bi**h to do, especially when I have run out of clean underware, then I start to curse at it,  mopping my house( Kenyan style) actually relaxes me.

10. Although I have refrained so far, I feel like it is only a matter of time when a drunk goes to far and I will not hesitate to knee him in his special place.

11. I feel awkward around other white people and don't know how to interact with them.

Moments of Clarity

Living in a different culture can wear a person down over time. The lack of support at school, the aggressive attitude men have towards women, but then a moment can happen that reminds you why you are here and all of the crap just disappears. I had two in one week. My first moment was when I was heading home from Nairobi. We always stop at this gas station in a town called Narok. Narok is swarming with tourists since it is the gate to Masai Mara. So I always assumed they grouped me together with them, not knowing that I am a volunteer working here. I went in, got a snack and went to the counter to pay for my stuff. As I gave him the money, he asked me where I worked. I was a little surprised by this since he never started a conversation with me before. I told him I worked in a school for the deaf in Litein. He was surprised and very interested in how I communicate with my students who are deaf. As the line got longer and longer, we continued standing there talking about deaf awareness. He finally asked me if I could teach him some sings. I told him I would every time I was headed to Nairobi. I said goodbye and continued my travel to litein. I was shocked with the conversation I just had but very happy to hear someone elses interest in learning sign language.




My 2nd moment happened a few days later. I teach KSL at a local hospital. I had about 15 students, ranging from VCT councilors, and doctors to Accountants and receptionists. Over time it has slowly dwindled to 5 that come every day. Most of the men have dropped the class and few have actually improved. For some time now, I was feeling a little burnt out. I had taught them all I knew and now it was just up to them to practice. I called one of my top students to ask her if she got the posters. She said she had and then she told me she met with one of my students over the weekend. She said she was able to have a conversation with her. I was so excited. She then told me 2 men who were deaf came in and she was able to communicate with them as well. I was so proud of her and congratulated her. When I got off the phone with her, I couldn’t stop smiling. She reminded me how important it is to teach KSL in service providing organizations and I am actually making my community a more understanding and accepting place for my students.

I swear, without these moments of clarity every now and then, I would have been home in the US a long time ago.

Testing Positive...

So school has started. Almost all of the students are here. Besides the 22 lessons per week, Im teaching KSL at two of the local VCT’s as well as helping out with a mobile VCT on Thursdays. VCT is like planned parenthood but for HIV/Aids. It stands for voluntary counseling and testing. Since some people live way out in the interior, the VCT goes to them. Last Thursday, I had a pretty powerful day. First we had to do a follow up with a family whose children were malnourished. When we get there, they start running away from us. They thought we were the police and we had come to bust them for illegal brewing. Once we got people calmed down, we went out to meet them. I had lost count of the number of children I saw. When I thought I had seen them all, more would just pop out of the wood work..literally. I asked one of the counselors what the story was with this family. He told me because their homes site on an “island” of sorts( surrounded by a swamp and a river), It’s difficult for them to get out into town. They don’t practice birth control r family planning, and with the customers purchasing not only their local brew but a romp in the hay as well, the children are having children. I was shocked when he told me the children were getting no lunch today and he didn’t know if they had eaten in the morning either. The focus for the family is their brewing since that is what brings in the money and not on farming. I saw 2 little girls. One who looked to be about 1yr old, couldn’t walk and was crawling around on the ground. One of the nutritionists who came with us, told me she was 5. Her sister was 7. She had the body of a 4 or 3 yr old. I was speechless. I asked if there was any improvement. The team said no. More children were being born and not enough food was produced. We drove away disappointed.  
Our next stop was a tea weighing station to provide testing. Most of the time im usually holding my breath when people test, not wanting them to test positive. We had been out there for a few hours already and everyone so far that day tested negative. As the time continued on, more and more people were coming to get their money from the tea weighers. I saw a man with a basket on his back bringing tea. He got money and started to head home. He was about to round the corner out of sight when he stopped, looked at us and turned around. He walked over to our station and asked to be tested. I went on with what I was doing, untill one of the counselors asked me to get the second HIV test( the one used to determine if the person truly has HIV if the first test shows positive). I handed it to the counselor standing with the man. They had moved to a more private location. He had this look of panic on his face. The test was finished and the counselor left to continue working. The man stood there, hands on his hips, hidden behind the building, away from sight. I watched the emotions spread across his face. Panic, confusion, fright. He continued standing there for a good 10 minutes and then he picked up his basket and headed home. I cant imagine what his walk home was like, the things going on in his mind. I know America has HIV/AIDS but no one I know has it, not even an acquaintance of a friend. We don’t see it that much and so we tend to feel safe. I don’t even know of any couple who gets tested before they have sex. But living in Kenya has become an eye opener. HIV is so prevalent almost every single person knows at least 2 people who have HIV, has died from HIV or has had an acquaintance who has dealt with HIV. This man came to work today, excited to get his money and he left knowing he had HIV. I have never seen the face of someone who has tested positive. I think the way his face looked will be forever ingrained in my memory.

Mount Elgon and Sunflowers

Like I had stated in the pervious post, most of my holiday is spent taking care of Peace Corps business. But I did have a week or two to myself. So, another volunteer and I wanted to travel to parts unknown this holiday and we decided to go camping at Mount Elgon. One of Kenyas National parks, it lies in the north part of western province in between Kenya and Uganda, and is one of Kenyas hidden gems. Now when I say parts unknown, I mean unknown by fellow volunteers. We were the trailblazers this trip and we were going to find our way with the use of guide books since neither one of us had a clue where we were going. Sometimes I find traveling in Kenya an adventure by itself. The epic landscapes you pass by, the people you meet and the simplicity of it makes traveling on an overcrowded matatu, fighting for the local price with the conductor, squeezed between a lecherous 80 yr old man and a mama with a baby who looks dangerously close to barfing all over you worth it. On our way to Mount Elgon, we drove through endless sunflower fields, we assumed for the production of sunflower seed oil since I have never seen a Kenyans garden filled with flowers just for the beauty of them. Enormous, smooth, red boulders rose out of the ground. I wanted to stop the car so badly and climb to the top, just to see what the view would be like.

When we finally reached Kitale, the “base camp” for Mount Elgon, we went in search of a mama who could help us find our way up to the mountain. When I say Mount Elgon is a hidden gem, I mean hidden. It is not very commercialized which is a good thing, leaving the mountain and surrounding communities natural and free of tourists but the downside is transportation to the mountain is difficult to find. The gate to the mountain is some distance away from Kitale which leaves you little choice in transportation methods. Piki Piki(motorcycle) which is a big NO NO in Peace Corps, private car, which can cost you an arm and a leg, or your own 2 feet which should be in good shape to carry you the 2 hour walk to the gate. We chose the 2nd option.

We got to the Mountain, paid our fees and went in search of our camp site. It was a hike even to our camp sites. By the time we got there, we were huffing and puffing. As we rounded the corner and took full view of our site, we were surprised to see a herd of bush buck, large deer like animals. My friend thought they were cows. We were happy to discover that besides the bush bucks, we were completely alone. We set up our tent and went exploring. Our camp site was a large meadow surrounded by thick forests. Luckily we had running water, flush choos, and a fire pit. Exhausted from traveling, we decided to eat dinner ( PB &J and mangos) and go to bed. I remember later that night waking up freezing, moonlight streaming in through the tent and looking up through the tent at a night sky filled with stars. I had never seen that many stars. It was like someone poked holes in the black canvas but didn’t know when to stop.
The nexr day, we went hiking. Now, if you don’t have the money for a guide to take you to the top, there is a route you can take that takes you to 4 different caves. The first cave is where the elephants used to come and lick the walls. I still don’t understand how the elephants got into the cave with the trail being so narrow and rocky. The second cave was by far my favorite although we had to hike straight uphill to get to it. It was one of those moments I wished I had starbursts. But once we arrived at the top, we were stunned with the beauty to behold. The caves mouth was bigger then the first cave and a huge waterfall flowed over the mouth of the cave. My friend and I couldn’t resist and climb over the rocks to get under it. It was refreshing after such a long hike. After taking a bath in the waterfall, it was time to explore the cave. So, we got out bandanas ( for the smell and the bat poop) and our headlamps and went exploring. The second cave was wide and deep, bat poop littered the ground making it slippery, squishy. I eventually got scared and came out. I know 25 and still afraid of the dark. Haha. When we got back to our site, I wanted to cut off my feet. Instead, we pulled our mats out of the tent and took a 2 hour nap. We woke up for a bit, decided to make a campfire and then we went back to sleep. We were whipped. The next morning, we packed up our stuff and headed home. I can’t wait for the next adventure!