What have I become?

Anyone who has served in the Peace Corps can tell you, you go through many changes. You dress far more conservative than your friends, you pronounce the p in corps as well as your t‘s, you feel awkward in jeans or trousers, and your view of people changes as well. This one is probably the most difficult to accept. Before joining the peace corps, I felt like I was a trusting person. I would talk to random strangers on the streets of San Francisco, and I never felt nervous or distrustful of someone. This week I came to realize this particular trait has changed and Im not sure it’s for the better. I find myself more conscious of people, less trusting of their motives and always assuming they want something from me. I am finding no matter how nice people are when I first meet them, they always have something they want from me. Whether it’s money, a trip to America or my favorite skirt that they admire. Now are all Kenyans like this? I hope not. But Im finding it very hard to find someone who wants to be my friend just to be my friend. This part of the culture has changed me into something Im not sure I like. I’ve stopped looking for the good in people and just started to assume they are just like the others. Since New Years is coming up, Im starting to think about my resolutions. I think changing my view about Kenyans would be a good one to have. Although this won’t stop people from asking me for things, but maybe it will help me to remember not to jump to conclusions when I meet someone. I don’t want to remember my time in Kenya and the people I’ve met as leeches who just want something from me. I want to remember the market mamas and their desire to teach my Swahili, the kids yelling “Mzungu, How are you,” the hospital staff willing to learn KSL and the joy I have teaching my students. That is what I want to remember.