Im on the fence if I want to go up and teach tonight. It’s been rainy and cold and I am huddled up in my sleeping bag enjoying the warmth. I did miss my KSL class today so I should probably go up ands make up for lost time. I am at such a loss with my classes at the moment. I feel like a failure and they haven’t even taken a test. Nothing I am doing seems to work and the minute I teach them something, they are asking me 4 hours later for the answer. I ask my counter part for help and she just tells me to stick to the syllabus. Only problem IS the syllabus. I guess I am just letting all the pressure Im under for this class get to me. On top of my guilt trip with my classes, I am getting a little annoyed with the dog and pony show I am the main attraction for. I had to miss class because the head master wanted to show off the muzungu to the high officials for the district. Ok so it really was so I could meet the District officer and some other officials for the ministry of education, which if something bad were to happen, I guess would be a good thing. But I don’t remember any of their names or their titles and in all honesty felt like it was just a show and a waste of my time. Ok, so I guess I am slightly touchy today. I have been here a month and getting into the community has been slow going. Sure there are a few people I have become friends with and a few I have even gotten marriage proposals from but I just feel like a circus act the minute I step out the gates of the school. During training we were told we would have ups and downs and have a lot of unwanted attention. So, I knew that would happen, I have been dealing with it for the past 4 months and I am not positive it will actually stop. I guess it’s just me wishing it would stop. So this is the part where I try to compare my feelings to something. Most would think a fish in a fish bowel. But it’s worse. Have you ever seen a fish in a blender? I once put a fish into a blender. No, not to see how sharp the blades were but for him to call home. Well, now I understand why all the fish I put in there had early deaths. On top of living in a glass bowl where everything you do is public, you also have blades hiding under the rocks and the minute you get too comfortable, some idiot could plug it in and switch it to puree. Well that’s me right now. Having everything I do public knowledge and the pressure to make a good impression and not commit social suicide. It seriously gets to you after awhile.
Thankfully peace corps knew this and arranged it where volunteers always had at least 1 person living near them. Speaking of which I am really happy a fellow volunteer is visiting this weekend. It will be a nice break to have another fish for people to look at. Also my mom called, which was nice. She told me Tess the cat was almost smothered by mom when mom thought she was just a bump under the down comforter. It was nice to hear about home and it made me feel a little better knowing I could always be invisible and be smothered with a down comforter. Well it’s started to rain so… I think I will take it as a sign and not go to class. J Hope all is well. I miss u all and no matter how sad I sound, just know it’s normal and no I am not ready to come home yet. LOL Tomorrow always has the potential to be better.
P.S. For all you teachers out there who read this blog, feel free to drop me some hints on how I can improve my teaching strategy. I am teaching grade 4 english and grade 8 KSL( If you work with the deaf, any advice would be amazing) You can leave a comment or you can reach me by facebook or email.
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