Looking back

Saturday, I woke up to the sounds of kids playing and roosters greeting the morning. I sat for probably 15 minutes watching them run around having fun. I thought about the night before and how much fun I had with them, how spending time with them, answering simple questions and watching wrestling was so fulfilling to me. It hit me that this felt right to me, this was where I belonged. I thought back to the year long application process and how many times I called my mom crying because of some paper lost or another unnecessary test I had to do. I thought about my life before Peace Corps and how unsatisfied I was with it, always thinking there was something was missing. If I compare life now to life then, I would say I truly have never been happier than I am right now. Most of you who follow this blog know I have epilepsy. But for those of you who don’t know, I have been struggling with it for a long time. The dependency on others, the prejudice, the stereotypes, feeling ashamed of it, and feeling like the world was closed off to me. I struggled in school because of it and struggled in life as well. But then, I guess I had what you would call a breakthrough when I thought it would interfere with my dream of serving in the peace corps. Epilepsy had taken away my independence and at times my dignity, but I refused to let it take this away from me as well. Since being here in Kenya, I have never felt more alive or more myself. I’m still living with epilepsy and I will probably have to take medication for the rest of my life, but I have finally realized epilepsy does not have me. If being here has taught me anything it is having a disability is not a disability but an ABILITY that makes us stronger than we think we are, wiser than we like to believe and more stubborn than our parents might want us to be. All you have to do is persevere and you CAN follow your dreams. I did.